Experts say: Mom-ing is quite the trip. Full stop. (With 5 months of experience I’m hereby claiming “expert” status). Mom-ing while working is a trip taking a trip.
The biggest single thing that’s helped me manage the mental load? Setting expectations appropriately. Appropriate expectation: this is going to be insanely hard. Laughably hard in some moments!
Now, I’ve found that telling myself that I’m about to do something insanely hard every day doesn’t exactly make me want to pop out of bed in the morning. So I’ve reframed it: Welcome to another day of playing 3D chess. You know in Harry Potter when the chess pieces are alive and smashing into each other?! THAT.
Why is this helpful? For me:
Happiness = reality/expectations. The lower the denominator, the better. By thinking of the daily challenges of mom-ing as 3D chess, I have more fun with it (sometimes).
Anytime I find myself operating in “checkers mode”, I try to flip the switch. Checkers mode is the opposite of 3D chess: wandering around checking boxes because you think other people want you to, deferring to “experts” at the expense of your intuition, etc.1
The Harry Potter visual is kind of fun. And when I get smashed by something, I find it a nice distraction to think about what piece smashed me, and what moves I made previously that contributed to me being a sitting duck. Sometimes it even delays the more emotional response long enough for me to get some work done!
How do I switch between mental modes? Well, sometimes I don’t / can’t. But when I do, it’s largely thanks to the help of my executive coach,
. I pay her for 1:1 time but she also has a ton of free content. 3D chess mode = expert mode, checkers mode = student mode / “should” mode. You’re welcome.